Dear husbands, we love you dearly. But please take note.
(Passive aggressive undertones have been edited out of this blog post, to the extent practicable.)
1. Grocery shopping without the kids is not "me time" for your wife. While true, it beats grocery shopping with the kids (which is shear horror if they're under 5), it's still a chore.
2. Rubbing your junk up against your wife, while she is in the kitchen making lunches for the family at 5 am, is not a turn-on. IT'S THE OPPOSITE! (Note: helping her finish the sandwiches might get you somewhere.)
3. If you're taking your wife out on a date (and you should, every year or so), try to make a little small talk. Pretend you like her. Pretend to listen to her and act like you haven't already heard it.
4. Shower time is "me time." Don't make a habit of joining her. Again, rubbing your junk up against her, while more appropriate in the shower than during food preparation, still isn't that hot. Try a back rub.
5. Every once in a while, just give her a back rub. NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
6. Spend quality time with your mother. Enough said.
7. Similar to No. 3, pretend to give a shit about your wife's day. Ask her once in a while how it was. She does this for you.
8. TV commercials love to portray women, happily mopping their sunny kitchens, gaining great satisfaction from cleaning up after their families. Guess what? WE REALLY DON'T! Cleaning the same messes over and over and over is demoralizing. And depressing. Empty the dishwasher once and a while. You might get lucky!